41+

so, we made it through the weekend - barely, but without the arrival of our little one. on friday night, i was positive that we were going to be seeing him in the next couple of days. after my biophysical and appointment (which showed the little guy was still doing great - happy and content in the womb), i started having contractions anywhere from 5-10 minutes apart that continued over the next few hours to get more and more intense. i've had the fake, braxton-hicks ones - and quite a few over the last couple of months. but these were different. i'm talking take-you-to-your-knees, take your breath away, painful contractions. i couldn't see how this couldn't be the real thing. this continued for the next 20+ hours! i didn't sleep, mostly because they were too painful - but also, i was waiting for them to get around 3-4 minutes apart to head to the hospital, knowing anything else would probably be too soon. on saturday, still dealing with (and timing) contractions, Cort and I went on a walk, got some breakfast, and tried to kill time. we headed to the mall to pick up a few things, but once we started heading home....nothing. the contractions just stopped. well, not stopped...but at least slowed down. they moved from every 15 minutes, to every 30 minutes and jumped all over the place from there. this pattern continued (5-30 minutes), and continues until now.

my doctor is calling it prodromal labor. it is labor, but it's not doing much to my cervix, since the baby is still not engaged and helping the dialation move along. so, here i am. i've put a lot of pressure on myself to have a intervention-free birth, but after today's appointment, i can see that dream slipping further and further away. my doctor will not let me go past thursday to induce, and is giving me a higher chance of a c-section than most. it's been a bit of an emotional (and physical!) drain, but i (and Cortney, and my mom, and Ashley) keep reminding me that, in the end, the most important thing, is that i get to hold a healthy, happy and strong baby boy. it's a miracle that i am pregnant...it's all about perspective, right? i'm coming to terms with that this may not be the birth plan i thought it would be or wanted, but this is the baby i've always wanted, and that is enough.

so, i'm taking a different approach. i've been on my feet as much as possible over the last couple of weeks. walking like crazy, bouncing on my yoga ball, walking around on my hands and knees, and trying every possible yoga position that might help the little bubs engage. after the news today, i decided that what will be, will be. i can't force this baby ready and out - nor do i want to - but after having my body put through some of the toughest stuff it's ever been through, i'm ready to rest. i'm napping (between contractions), eating pretzel m&m's and watching movies. if he decides it's time to come before wednesday night, wonderful - but if not, it's out of my hands. i'm trusting that things will happen the way they're supposed to.

and on a more positive note, one of oldest friends, Ashley Lee, who gave birth to her little boy less than 2 months ago, has reminded me on a number of ocassions, to cherish this special time I have with Cortney. he has been my source of comfort and support, and if anything, this weekend reminded me of how lucky i am to be married to such a great man, and that he gets to be the father of my children. i am a lucky, lucky girl.

anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying that no, we don't have a baby yet, but at the latest, we will on thursday. and that's pretty exciting news to me.

happy monday. xo.