one month

it's been one whole month that you have been in our lives, and it's so hard to believe how time flies. we are truly living in your world, and feel so blessed to be doing it.

you are our healthy, happy boy. growing like a weed and changing every day. what an impossible love this is - putting the newborn clothes away is heart-wrenching, but seeing that you are growing so big and strong is the greatest accomplishment of our lives. it's hard to believe that at one time you were snug in my belly. a time where we had no idea the amount of love and happiness you would be bringing into our every day.

after all the fuss and "research" over 9+ months of being pregnant, now that you're here, we've put down the books and let our instincts take over. luckily, you are so forgiving - so much more of me than i am. when i get frustrated - because it's taking me too long to pull your clothes over your head, if your diaper rash returns, or if my swaddle is not quite tight enough - i'll start to wonder if i'll ever really, get the hang of things. but you hardly make a peep. i watch you look at me with patient eyes, almost as if to say, "mama, it's ok - we're learning together" you trust us. you have faith in me and your daddy, which gives us faith in ourselves.

what a warm body you are, just like your daddy. always radiating heat and love, and i know it's because you have such a warm heart, also just like your daddy. there have been many cool nights where i have found myself nuzzling up to you.

oh, and our nights. i love our nights together. the lack of sleep is so worth the time i get to bond and cuddle with you. we have gotten in the habit of 3 a.m. staring contests. you're tired, i'm tired, and i always win...but not for your lack of trying. i've never seen someone fight so hard to stay awake. i know you think you're missing out on the party, but if you only knew that once you feel asleep, we just sit and stare at you anyway, maybe you wouldn't try so hard to keep those sweet eyes open.

oh, and your eyes. you have kindest eyes i've ever seen. when you're awake, it takes wild horses to pry me from your side. i don't want to miss one moment of watching you learn about the world around you. and you are learning. we can see you taking in noises, lights and shapes around you - wishing so much we could know what is going on inside your head. we can see that your eyes hold so much wisdom, and so much to share. your stare is soft and sweet, almost always with a smile, hidden deep inside.

oh, and the smiles. those you've just started. on your first day of full smiles, i spent it in happy tears. never has a facial expression had such an affect over me. and you have plenty of facial expressions. your daddy and i could spend hours just watching you coo, and stretch, and smack, and yawn. watching them makes my heart melt. and usually for the 582nd time that day.

oh, how you're melting hearts. not only ours, but your grandparents...and your family members and friends that haven't even met you yet. your sweetness shines through your pictures - it's not hard to see. i've become so popular since you came along. more people want to spend time with me, and i make more friends when i'm with you. i have all of the sudden become the most likable person in the room (next to you of course) because i have you at my side. and i'm more social because i want to talk about you, to show you off, and to brag. you are a ray of light.

you are such a sweet spirit. you have changed the dynamic and face of our home. what was once clutter-free corners, and straightened furniture and floors, now finds toys, books, burp cloths, and swaddle blankets. our home feels more lived in, more "homey," more comfy and so much more full of life. i couldn't be happier to sacrifice one lifestyle for the other because it is so much more fun to spend time with you.

i love my time with you. i feel so blessed to be your mama, and that i have the opportunity to be with you every second of every day. our days are filled with a lack of routine. with simplicity, happiness, plenty of breastfeeding, diaper changes and songs. i sing songs every day now. songs i didn't even know that i remembered, and lullabies that are trickling back from my childhood. i started singing the song "you are my sunshine" yesterday, completely out of the blue. i haven't thought of that song in years, but i finally know what it means. you are truly my sunshine boy, and you'll never know how much i love you.

it's out of this world.

happy one month sweet boy. xo.