06 April 2010

the halfway post.

my pregnancy has been smooth - so much so that i can't believe i'm halfway through this journey. i've blogged very little about my pregnancy, so far. i've kept it private as if it was an all too precious gift that i wasn't ready to share. but now that our little one has more of an identity, and he's making his presence known to me more and more every day, i'm bursting at the seams, and feeling like i should be writing down everything that i'm feeling. so here we are

this has easily been the most life-changing year of my life - marriage and baby, bumping from city to city, big decisions, little decisions and more. as much of an adjustment it has been moving to texas, i must admit, it feels good to be settled. to be somewhere. to know that we can take the time to get to know our surroundings - no matter how foreign or flat. even if i'm headed to utah every month for a dose of family time, at least i know that i'm coming back to a home that the husband and i are making together, and getting ready to expand our family in.

that being said, life is just different right now. i feel as if i've taken a jump off one of my life stepping-stones onto a new one, and am entering new territory. i have never handled change very well. in fact, i'm the worst. but if there is one thing i have learned in my twenty-some-odd years, it is that just because things are new and difficult, doesn't mean they are bad. if i look back on all the most pivotal times in my life, everything that has turned me into who i am, and has gotten me where i am today - come from some form of change. whether it was spurred by the positive or negative, i have always, and life has always, turned out for the better. and i'm grateful for it and the adventure it brings. it makes for the best memories, and i think i've become more of the me i'm supposed to be, through each and every experience.

i feel as if i'm headed towards something big. each and every day that gets closer to us bringing our baby home, twenty or so weeks from now, i think i change a little more. i think about my own mother and wonder how she did it. how did motherhood come so naturally to her, and will it come the same to me? how do you prepare? i feel that there is so much to do mentally and physically...is 20 weeks enough time? i want to be composed, and patient, and knowledgeable, and...ready. but i'm starting to wonder if we are ever really ready for anything life brings us? or do we just learn as we go? i do know that i want to be a better person. and that is something i can work at everyday. to be the kind of mother i know that my active, little boy deserves. he's already got a dad that i watch get better every day. i'm just hoping some of that rubs off on me. 

i'm excited. and watching the ultrasound on monday really put things into perspective for me. watching him move. seeing his heart beat. in awe of how much he's grown. quite possibly one of the coolest experiences of my life. so i don't fit into my pants as well as i'd like to (or at all anymore). i have days that i'm tired all the time. but my first is growing, stretching (more like flipping) and healthy inside of me. and that perhaps, is the best adventure of all. 

"the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. she never existed before. the woman existed, but the mother, never. a mother is something absolutely new." ~ rajneesh


14 comments:

Katie said...

Laura, I'm so happy for you guys! And a boy to mix it up a little more....GREAT!!!! On motherhood: you definitely learn as you go. I remember when I had Lucy thinking people with 2+ kids were crazy. So I think that you also just get crazier and lose more brain cells along the way also :) You are so so so so great with kids, I have no doubt you will be a wonderful mother. Also, the best thing I've found to do with babies is just follow your own insticts. No book can top them!

millisue said...

You are a really good writer, with amazing perspective. I'm really excited for you and Cort. You are about to experience the most joy you have ever had in your life, prepared or not! Good luck with everything.

The Campbells said...

Thanks for sharing.
I don't think you can ever really be ready to become a mother. But, you will do great-I know you will. Being a mom is seriously the hardest thing I have ever done, it stretches you in ways you never thought possible. I have also felt more joy and love and laughed more then I ever thought I could. I totally agree with Katie that your own instincts will help you way more then any book. You, Cort and baby boy will figure it out together and then when number 2 comes you will figure it out all over again.

Anna said...

Motherhood will be like second nature to you. I know it will.

Amy E. Campbell said...

You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be—
I had a mother who read to me.


You'll be the best mom.

Colleen said...

You are ready. You already have everything you need to be a great mother and what you don't realize you have now you will discover as you go along.

Katie said...

Congrats! You guys are going to be great parents. So fun!

Jamie said...

hi laura- i'm kristin daniels' cousin and i was just blog hopping from her blog to yours and saw that you just moved to dallas. we live here too! i just wondered if we live close to each other. my blog is private, but you can e-mail me at jamiedslade@gmail.com if ya want an invite! congrats on being half way through your pregnancy, that's exciting!

The Dumas Family said...

You were born to be a mother. I've always thought that, never doubted it once and am so excited it's here for you! You're a mommy already. You're teaching your son things now and helping your son grow and develop. He is one lucky boy to have you two as parents! Never doubt yourself, little mama. I never have and never will!

Ashley and Ezra said...

Im so excited that we will be going through this journey together! Even though you are a little ways away, that wont change a thing! I cant wait! or can I???

Melissa said...

Oh my goodness! I feel like such a bad friend!!! I did not know you were expecting! That is so fantastic! Tell Cort CONGRATS too!
-Miss

Tamara Jacobs said...

congratulations!!!
you are a beautiful writer.

Jill said...

I had no idea you were expecting. Congratulations Laura. Wonderful wonderful! Motherhood is an amazing journey...I'm so grateful for the privilege of raising my children. You'll be a natural.

Nate, Jenny and Amelia said...

It is the best thing in the world. You are going to love your new life and wonder how in the world you felt fulfilled before. I love you quote at the end! Very profound.